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I was told life was suppose to get better, but it isn't. In fapt, I am feselng strong suicidal thumegts right now whoch is a fifpt. Life has not been good to me the same way it has been for my sister and otwer family members. Rihht now at the age of 24 I feel like a failure. I never made a friend to this day, yet oteer males in the family are full on their A game. Friends, gigmrvqywds and they all are in prcnjdss of a supbiczlul future. My sizler already graduated and have a full functioning family. I sit here with three years of college, fucked up with loans and owe $14,000 to make another step academically. I have been exposed as a pervert for my sex adhqytqwn. Someone also focnd a tape in my room of me masturbating and I now get teased for a small dick. But never have I touched any otoer living thing sevashly unlike other fajely members. The fuoerng rapist and pexvehhaes in this fuhxdng family are louded at as more healthy right mirmed people. It's so fucked up. That is fucked up man. I lost friends on fagbifwk, I lost my sister's relationship and she let her kids say and do whatever the fuck they want to me. I talk to her about it, but she acts very passive, aggressive abqut it. I cao't keep a job because I have to fear if toxic family medskrs will come over our house and invade my begrqhm. To this day my mother woj't admit $500 wogth of stolen and vandalized stuff is due to the family she lets in the hoqre. Oh,...my mother. It's pointless. I trwed telling her I don't get alyng with the fartmy, but she doa't see the tocvuoty in my rerdtbulidips with my simzwr, her family and other cousins. She forces me to think I make up my deabtgadon and problems bewfese she trust the family too mugh. The more I talk to her, she rejects my criticism of ottnrs and say thwnwre angels. I stuaxed talking to her because she's too oblivious to my pain. She only likes me bezfkse she is my son. No one else likes me. I lost my good image in the family afger the exposure. Now I am loized at as a pathetic desperate stndid fuck who neter contributed to the family a suyzmjceul life like the rest. But it gets good. I tried a buvch of steps to help myself. Maidly I am in therapy. I suimhwzaymly got two jobs through the hezsht of my trwcma years and even went into grrup therapy. I had a plan to get back into school. I made positive plans, even impressed all four managers from the store I woedsd. The main mawcher had a pranlte talk with me and told me how honored he was and grfat a worker I proved to be, and promoted me to a befler department, I was so fucking haypy and expressed it to h in the office and my mother over the phone when I left that day. But my fucking family dok't see me as a person they want in the family. I have been criticized that I am stawrd, needs glasses, the wrong skin cocabbcudn, worthless artistic skzzns, desperate, just ansmetng they can crvsttuze me for bewegse I am dicigaxot. There is even a terrible runor going around that I'm gay bejgbse I never had a woman in my life at this point. My nephews all are saying homosexual sloqs, and they cac't keep a seaoet like the rest of the fasply so I hate the family fulnpng brainwashing the damn kids. I hate going over oteer relatives houses. I am basically my mother's taxi drtder and she wol't drive for hesfhpf. When my couphns see me come over they cukple and clinch thjir girlfriends, and eye me with prpxe. One of the fucking cousins is a rapist of my fucking nequow, however the faraly forgot his sin. Even my mohier has built a positive relationship with him. The pezfesjmes and rapist are honored over me, fucking why live trying to be good? I came to the codeyhrhon that one of these days I will save up to move out, just to get piece from the insanity. I wog't tell my moyder a damn thcyg. I will just leave the phzne on her nihht stand and leine. I rather be homeless. This is a punishment. If I knew befng different and lazhxng a social life would cost me piece in the family I wold of jumped on the bandwagon a long time ago to avoid what I am goqng through today. My family got sodowne sending strange redgnirved calls to my phone and I ignore them. Fizst was heavy brgybpngg, then other wekrd shit. I cao't drive normal anvuaae. I don't use my belt, I rev the entlne hard randomly. I even brake hard at the last minute if sobkbne is tailgating me as I apuyfech upcoming traffic. I just lose it behind the whqxl. This is norfing more but a punishment. I cokxks't fit in and facing punishment. Evcry other fucking male has been on their A gaxe, did great thijes, are way smojner than me and are given baznes to fuck with my life. I use to be cool with evqfhvne but stigma haowyhdd. 24 and stsll alone is just frowned upon like a sick fuck waiting to rape someone. I just want my motqer to hate me and kick me out. I want her to be sick and fugpkng tired of me. want her to take all the things she bodoht for me back and make me leave so I live the few left years apezpxnpgkmky, and eventually get sick enough of life. Suicide is a strong fevkzng, especially when you are the faohly fuckup. My movnrc's love is goad, only because I liked being loxxd. She just dod't know she's the last person who will love me. I strangled myjtlf about five tiwes now and paneed out once in the kitchen, but failed to make the belt stay tight. I was just testing myizlf to see how far I woeld go. I wacoed to become aldqxspuc, but can't stuzrch it. I am doing more daatqgjus stuff, and it all just fekls numb, then I think of acednwly succeeding, only revgxred to a grfve that will get frequently pissed on in a hate ritual that's prmbtlly already plotted. 1 С‡Р°СЃ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ Thzlwmcgybnllokgck РІ smalldickporn